Dealing with Loss & Embracing Recovery

I have spent the past ten years on my own spiritual journey.
Creating shifts in my life that have allowed me to grow and let go of the things that no longer serve me.

I was tired of being bitter and angry all the time.

I was tired of carry around resentment.
I was tired of feeling like everyone fucking owed me something, when they actually didn’t.

Today marks one year that my mother passed away.
So hard to believe!
Time really does fly by!
With that being said, we still can enjoy every moment of our life no matter what’s thrown at us.

After losing my mom last year everything happened so quick I felt like my head was spinning.
I was pretty good until the New Year and things got out of control.
I felt angry and confused.
I had so many questions that would never be answered and conversations that could never be had.
Because of this it took a toll on me.
Mentally, physically, and emotionally.

It affected my relationships, my sobriety, and my well-being.
All the things I loved felt like they had no purpose.
I pretty much was in self destruct mode, and didn’t know how to find my way back…. BUT I didn’t want to.

I finally had to come to a realization that I wasn’t going to get the answers to my questions.
I wasn’t going to be able to have the conversations I wanted to have.
That’s just it! This is life!
The beautiful thing is… I can still feel her presence around me.
It’s like having my own guardian angel watching over me.
I can hear her laugh. I can hear her twisted sense of humor just like me.
I can feel love. I can feel forgiveness. I can feel peace.

SO what did I do?
I dove back into my spiritual practice. I utilized all my tools that have served me over all these years.
My meditation practice, my yoga, my fitness, journaling, and went back into AA.
Finding a supportive community when you’re in need is EVERYTHING!

The ironic thing is I had just went back into my program last year in September.
Right around the time all of this happened with my mom.
Needless to say with everything that happened I let myself use excuses to not stay sober.
When I knew all I had to do was go to my meetings and I would work through all of this.

I let ego, fear, and guilt stop me from creating the change I needed to make.
After a lot of prayer and deep meditation I made my way back into the rooms.
I never have been so grateful for the support and community AA offers me.
It always has!

For me this time around it feels different.
I’m different.
My life is different.
I’m older and wiser.
I’m asking and receiving support.
(I was never good at this!)
I feel grounded and happy.

The point to all of this is…
We always have healthy and loving ways to heal.
We always have community and support.
We have amazing tools right at our finger tips.
Sometimes.. We just have to ask for a little help.

We have to treat ourselves with compassion.
We have to love ourselves.
We have to let go of fear, ego and guilt.

When we do this we will start to feel free.
I FINALLY feel like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders.
I finally feeling like I’m healing.
I’m finally loving being sober

This is why I LOVE what I do!
I get to share my knowledge, my story, my strengths, my weaknesses, my experiences, and everything that has helped me over the years.
I embrace my flaws.
I love the ups and downs because It’s made me who I am today.
I’m raw, truthful, and authentic.
I’m funny, but serious and loving.
I’m a coach, a teacher, and a spiritual ignitor of self-love.

This is my mission, my passion, and my purpose!

Shine Bright! Live Free!